Sunday, September 18, 2005
I had to be a tough Mommy this month. My 15 year old son, Ryan, misbehaved in a big way (ok, not injurious to anyone but himself, first time, even legal if you're of age) and we had to do something to make sure he'd think twice next time (to saw we punished him would sound too, uh, punitive). So we grounded him. A light grounding - he could still have friends over. But, he wasn't to go out.
We were treading lightly through the "consequences" stage because his friend had actually called me the night of the "event" (for the wrong reasons, but he still called) and that was the right thing to do. And I want to make sure that if there's ever a problem, that Ryan or his friends know they can call us.
The infraction happened two weeks ago, and the grounding was to last three weeks, but the first weekend included his birthday, so he got a one-day pass. The second weekend - this one - was a different story. No, he could not go to the party that he told us about only Saturday and only after he had invented another story about first going to another boy's house and then maybe celebrating their mutual friends birthday.
So, he wasn't straight with the info and, on top of that, this would be the first Saturday night of being grounded. So, we made him stay home. He was angry but only vented by playing his guitar loudly when his little sister was trying to sleep. When she asked him to be a little quieter (after all, she didn't ground him) he continued anway and only finally went to the basement (still being loud, but at least we could shut the door). The grown-ups went to bed and he finally followed, not too long after.
Let me tell you it was tough. And, here's the Mary connection - I felt like Ted Baxter when he had to spank his son, David, and Ted cried throughout the spanking. David, on the other hand, was alright about it and understood why it was necessary. We feel as parents that we need to protect our children from being unhappy and here we were, causing the unhappiness. On the other hand, taking the longterm view, I knew it was the right thing. But, oh, I felt like crying.
At 10 am the next morning - Sunday morning and I was sleeping in, I admit - Ryan came into the room to tell us he wanted to make us breakfast in bed. Apparently he had originally gotten up at 8 am to make us breakfast and had everything ready. Why was he doing this? To apologize for being so mean to us the night before. And how does a boy used to sleeping until noon on Sundays get up so early? He had set his alarm the night before, which means he felt bad already the night before! So, like David, he understood it was for his own good. Wow! I mean, really, wow! Somehow it worked out right. I guess sometimes it does.
We were treading lightly through the "consequences" stage because his friend had actually called me the night of the "event" (for the wrong reasons, but he still called) and that was the right thing to do. And I want to make sure that if there's ever a problem, that Ryan or his friends know they can call us.
The infraction happened two weeks ago, and the grounding was to last three weeks, but the first weekend included his birthday, so he got a one-day pass. The second weekend - this one - was a different story. No, he could not go to the party that he told us about only Saturday and only after he had invented another story about first going to another boy's house and then maybe celebrating their mutual friends birthday.
So, he wasn't straight with the info and, on top of that, this would be the first Saturday night of being grounded. So, we made him stay home. He was angry but only vented by playing his guitar loudly when his little sister was trying to sleep. When she asked him to be a little quieter (after all, she didn't ground him) he continued anway and only finally went to the basement (still being loud, but at least we could shut the door). The grown-ups went to bed and he finally followed, not too long after.
Let me tell you it was tough. And, here's the Mary connection - I felt like Ted Baxter when he had to spank his son, David, and Ted cried throughout the spanking. David, on the other hand, was alright about it and understood why it was necessary. We feel as parents that we need to protect our children from being unhappy and here we were, causing the unhappiness. On the other hand, taking the longterm view, I knew it was the right thing. But, oh, I felt like crying.
At 10 am the next morning - Sunday morning and I was sleeping in, I admit - Ryan came into the room to tell us he wanted to make us breakfast in bed. Apparently he had originally gotten up at 8 am to make us breakfast and had everything ready. Why was he doing this? To apologize for being so mean to us the night before. And how does a boy used to sleeping until noon on Sundays get up so early? He had set his alarm the night before, which means he felt bad already the night before! So, like David, he understood it was for his own good. Wow! I mean, really, wow! Somehow it worked out right. I guess sometimes it does.
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